Sunday, December 17, 2006

his folks

The other day, on one of the morning shows on a channel, the male anchor while chatting with a psychologist on the christmas phenomenon and how to stay sane through all the motions, quipped that his wife gets kinda claustrophobic when they visit his folks on Xmas, and needs atleast some time on their own in the middle of all the family bonding stuff...

which was pretty harmless tho the female co-anchor ribbed him abt whether his folks knew his wife didnt like them and even if they didnt they would now thanks to his blurting it out to the nation. he just shrugged and grinned it off.

What struck me was that it will take atleast another century for the average Indian male to evolve to this level of casualness and acceptance regarding his spouse's feelings about his folks.

Forget joking about it or in this case talking about it casually and unintentionally on national TV, its a pretty sensitive mine-field for most couples in private conversations too, especially the M-I-L factor...and I'm talking urban, well-educated, supposedly with-it people here...lets not even go to the small towns or rural belts...though I'm sure there are exceptions there as everywhere...

Personally, I'm pretty okay in that my hubby knows exactly what I think about my in-laws which is mostly good n loving and sometimes fodder for a nasty row...we keep our communication channels open all the time and talk everything out like adults or atleast pretend to till I fling sharp-edged objects at him and he looks fit to burst all his blood vessels out...

but the fact remains, that for an average Indian man, his parents and family are haloed topics who should not be talked about casually...and definitely not to be analyzed as human subjects.

Its changing, I know, from personal experience, with my brothers and from some of the couples I've known...but its still too tiny a percentage.

You don't marry a man back home, you marry his family and thats true whether its the old traditional arranged setup or the fell-in-love-individual-choice-cool inlaws bit...

but our men are slowly getting weaned off from the old mindset and treating the wife as a separate human entity who deserves as much respect and consideration as his folks.

And it all works wonders or should, if his folks realize that its not about cutting down the old family tree as some rather regressive saas-bahu soaps and tear-jerker movies state, but having another sapling grow near somewhere but in its own little patch of soil, water and air.

Space and respect are pretty damn important in any relationship...and especially in the one, which sees you through more than half of your life-span in this world!

8 comments:

qsg said...

Wow...just was I was thinking yesterday! I am not married, so obviously have not been in the situation, but I am pretty darn sure that a relationship cannot be successful without communication, understanding, and space!

Phoenix said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Phoenix said...

oh, absolutely...and marriage or a long-term partnership is just like any other relationship but a bit more demanding in the said areas...

qsg said...

I think this could have been titled her folks, and it would have been the same story! :)

Phoenix said...

funny you shd say that!...once I'd published this bit and was pottering around doing something else, thats the exact thot that popped up...!

qsg said...

Whether you live in the East or the west, when you get married, you marry the whole family, essentially, because you embrace a new family! That's the balancing act, I think! :)

Phoenix said...

hmm...but you know qsg as well as I do, its more of a big deal back home for the woman to fit into the man's family than the other way round, more of a ritual, especially in the North...something to do with the patriarchal mindset, which still prevails...its part of the socio-cultural bit...anyway.

qsg said...

Agreed. It's much more important for the woman to fit in! :)