Friday, March 31, 2006


Can't escape this guy....hes all over the place...all the channels...reshammiya's nasal tones seem to be reverberating all over like a giant cosmic anthem in these neck of the woods. Reminds me of the music that the humans use to zap the invading aliens into green oozey pulp in 'Mars attacks"...hmm, the music's not all bad then.

Wonder if I'll ever need the archives in any of my blogs? Maybe, my kids n grandkids n the rest to come, who'll inherit these my Net assets (hehehehe), can browse through them to see what their hoary antsy ancestor was upto...hehehe...highly presumptuous, I know, given the shelf life of the old and the defunct (physically n virtually). I still remember the rather naive lil webspace I lived in way back in '97 or '98, at angelfire, I think, which spewed just unabashed love mush stuff, illustrations and poetic outpourings. No longer exists there, tho I still have those poor files somewhere. Must remember to write down all my assorted logins and passwds so the lawyer can include it in the legacy bit...kinda hysterical, the thought...but hey, you never know..!!! :-D

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I lucked in and

stumbled upon
this place
...its so hysterical and its real...atleast I hope it is! And its true, the craziest soundbites are the ones you eavesdrop on, unwittingly...I love this place. :-))))

Yes, another one of those...

Again, bang on...and it helps that the movie is one of my faves... heart of darkness...Brando was the original...felt really sad when he died. They don't make stars like him anymore.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Editing a rather boring document. Suddenly remember Makelankatu. Living at 23C25, going to the bibliothek round the corner everyday. Getting a haircut after aeons at the salon across the road. The friendly lady gasping over the thick mane, saying she hasnt seen such heavy, deep stuff....'we have such mousey hair, all artificially colored'...chopping the locks off, a new lighter me. Getting adventurous, looking for a bakery. Asking the florist, going off into some weird alley, street. Finding what is a rather popular old joint. Bull's eye. Pastries. Kittos. Celebrating.
That strange man accosting me with his arms open on my way home from the library one day. A strange country, a stranger language. Spooked me out.
The snow. The people. The buses. The malls. Exotic. Watching BBC - the only English channel we got. And another I forget.
Suomenlina, Itakeskus, Vanta, the cruise to Stockholm over the frozen waters. Watching the land float past through the mist. Gorgeous Swedes. The Russian jaunt...St.petersburg... grand Hermitage. nicholesiki palace....caviar and champagne...decadent, musty, romantic, going to seed...Hotel the Neva...some guys at a flea market singing "jimmy jimmy aaja" as their ode to my country...the small beautiful white glowy church on the border, mass going on inside, its Sunday. Sublime europe.

Another lifetime. Cherished always.

Wish I had my old pictures scanned, could Flickr them. Damn!!

Monday, March 27, 2006

I almost lost it today

Really. Shocked myself with how the colors could change violently. Jekyll n Hyde had nothing on me...but then aren't we all just that...beastly smorgasbords of raw emotions made decent by the epidermal covering? Scratch the surface and find a dungeon inside...putrefying, smouldering...not a pretty sight at all.

Morality, decency, right n wrong, sanity - all social constructs. Years and years of conditioning by the people and institutions surrounding layers of soil over the grave. Don't wake up. Down, boy, down. Smile and say sweet things, pass the rolls. Sip the coffee. Make p.c. Dress up and smell nice.

Stuff, cliches, that I'm handing down to my own...

But such moments of getting in touch with the She down there, are few but essential to remind me that I am what I am. Let me not fool myself, tho the world's fooled well enuff. Or is it?

Friday, March 24, 2006

I moult. an alarming pace
Some bits don't,
They refuse to plunge headlong
Into the abyss.
'Stepping stones of dead selves'
An old line from a dead poet.
Am I stretching for'higher things'
Or just trampling through to return to what I was.
No looking back. Ever.
Carpe diem, indeed.

'The One and Only'

Addwaitya, 250, died on Wednesday. A bachelor, a vegetarian with very basic needs. A mute witness to two centuries rushing in and out leaving behind a trail of people who were born and died, regimes, inventions, governments, calamities, changing world order, progress, regress, cable tv and the Net.
An Aldabra turtle. This was a life.

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Nothing significant. Being cyrus shd be a good dark edgy flick. RDB, Taxi 9211, Bluffmaster...God knows we need more of such stuff, in a space invaded by johar weepie candy crap. Saif khan...I never used to like him much, found him a little too angrez n chikna types. But with Ek Hasina Thi n Parineeta n now B.C, I don't know...hes kinda attractive in a feral sort of way and moving past straitjackets.

Ho much for my arbit ruminations over my morning cuppa chai. Did the earth just stop?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

evening walk

She chased the lil red flower as it tumbled through the concrete path...
She caught it and held it tight in her little fist.
I cheered, she beamed.

Friday, March 17, 2006


Kunjarani's got a gold, first day. An auspicious start. Now she'll be idolized, elevated and we'll consequently OD on all the hype and adulation, as with Rathore.
Mobs at the airport who wdn't have given her a second look before.
Media waiting to pounce, badgering her mom, her best friend, her distant cousin's teacher's subziwala and anyone willing to give some soundbites. TV debates on whether other sports are given the poor-cousin treatment compared to the big C. Honestly!!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I am...

killing time before Time kills me.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Stowing away some stuff...

The Inventory

An old scar,
two scraps of paper,
a forgotten tune.
A pebble
and a red thread.
The rain drums a note.
I close the lid.


Sidewalk Vignette

One mangy mongrel napping on a mound of yellow leaves,
Another saunters by, sniffs the spot and curls up to sleep.
First mangy mongrel opens and rolls an eye,
Thinks to himself, what an impertinent creep.


Sunday, 7.17 AM > a 55er

She shrugged. He winced, this wasn't good.
"I didn't like it, thats all", he said.
She stared through the grimy glass, the smoke her veil.
Was this the end, then?
The door creaked open, people straggling in for the breakfast special.
The waitress ambled across.
A fly buzzed on the windowsill.
He ordered more coffee.


Saturday, March 11, 2006

it rained and will, still

the setting's perfect. Grey outside and some deadly photoblog sites on the net...seriously, some of these ppl at deviantart et al are SO awesome. I could spend a month just soaking in this stuff. Maybe not, given my ridiculously low boredom threshold. After all, there's just so much I can gush or mush abt. Mera kya hoga!
Am genuinely sick of being just a passive gusher...anyway am going on a bookmarking spree...serious fear of overdoing it...

Friday, March 10, 2006

the weather's

done an about turn today. Grey with just a hint of thand. What was fast turning out to be a premature summer in our parts. Might go back to its hot n bothered self in a day or two.

The overcast sky zaps that lovely ditty from 'anubhav' to mind: "meri jaan mujhe jaan na kaho..." sigh, black n white flickers. a young and handsome sanjeev kumar and a lovely tanuja...the rain softly accompanying...

Or the entire mood of 'raincoat'...poignant.

Time for chai.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

felt great

visiting the bbc yesterday after, like, aeons. Scored 2. I still can move, surprisingly. My baby wanted to throw a bit around too. :-)) Nothing like some strenuous phys activity to get you all abuzz.

Last time I *really* played was in school...hmm...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

where political correctness goes thru the roof

'baa baa rainbow sheep'!!! indeed, what next?! ppl getting all ridiculous in trying not to offend where there was no offense meant in the first place.

yesterday two or was it three blasts in varanasi, one in a hanuman temple during aarti. Mindless bloodbath, some poor ppl gone to worship and end up dead or limbless.
NDTV anchor tried hard not to say the "H" word...saying instead it was an attack on India not any religion. Y aren't they ballsy enuff to say that yes it was an attack on Hindus...its getting really farcical the way the media, national und international, side-steps any sticky report on injustice/assaults on Hindus! Rajdeep sardesai of CNN-IBN tho was almost spot on when he said that the calm prevailing in other Hindu areas showed the grit of the Hindu civilization...but a second after he said it, he seemed a lil sheepish like wow, shd I have said the H word?

If we as Indians can condemn attacks on all the other religious groups, why not the H group?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


came across this while wandering thru the bylanes...dont know if hes one of those typical morons readily available in the developed world or just riding piggyback on the old controversy. Whatever the intention, hes had the last laff, getting mighty hits n all, not to mention me linking to his stuff.

Its funny...I have met and worked with and befriended phirangs, been quite comfortable with them auch. but...i've started finding their ilk rather racist, insular and stupid. Maybe I'm prejudiced, which is sad, but I wish I could change my mind abt them.

Till then.

Monday, March 06, 2006

back on blog

lots of stuff happened since my last post. the world changed, mine too. bush came and went and posed pretty at purana qila. we sealed the deal, the bubbly flowed. i will get paid for my last project in a day or two, finally. Might get some more work soon. Am in a funny between-projects phase. the feeling of balancing on the edge of the pit, before getting all dirty. Once i'm in, I am in.

still haven't plunged into the books I have. Inertia. saw the oscars in the morning today. nothing that i felt deeply about. same goras and their antics. the laughter on cue, the faux pas on cue. the same cleavage and hair swept up....sameness.

saw two desi film award shows...same stuff, same sho-sha. same rani mukerji dressed like a cake-doll, thanking all n sundry, in her overly saccharine way, yash uncle, amit uncle, jaya aunty, bunty bhaiya, dhobi bhaiya etc. and that chap bhansali sauntering up with his poor mom in tow, thanking the same ppl everytime and the movie's pseudo-profound bg music played out on cue...eesh. i loved how vidhu chopra yelled 'wonderful' everytime he announced a 'black' winner,,,the sarcasm was hilarious. the johar chap and his blatant and highly moronic pyschophantic spiel on 'king' khan...puhleeeeze! maybe hes in denial abt RDB. Give me aamir any day.

yesterday was a sad and bizarre day. the sadness was incomprehensible but spot on. an indelible part of my childhood, that sepia toned chapter of life. he was a good man, a lovely human being. wish I had met him then when he was fine and he could have met her too. Unfinished.

the bizarre stuff was funny...getting mistaken for the actress. poor guys.

tomorrow's another day.