Friday, May 26, 2006

i smile laugh easily
nothing matters

i rage easily
a storm inside

i lose interest easily
does it matter

i escape easily
where no one can see

i love easily
the whole world in my embrace

i trip easily
i get back on my feet clumsy and stronger

i lie spreadeagled over the sorrows
they are mine, alone

i hope easily
the blows i take on my chin

i stay true to me

Thursday, May 25, 2006


still in the middle of this huge Silence. nothing much to say ... the mother of all blog-blocks. but now that I am here, replying to comments, might as well scribble something.

am reading a rather dull book which I am to write the review for. actually, 'dull' might not be the accurate has enough hormones-gone-crazy action, impossibly gorgeous hunks and babes, incredible slang words etc...but still, dull and pathetic. maybe the demography aimed at shd have been the antsy teens instead of those beyond...never thought in my teens that reading a book like this wd have been a chore, but maybe I would...I was always kinda strange, that way.

a package is on its way. hope it reaches safe and unharmed.

saw some bits of swades couple of days back...for a change, shah rukh acted normal without contorting his facial muscles into weird hammy expressions....decent movie....and funny, i felt kinda nostalgic, goose-bumpish when he spots the ole mother-land on the NASA map thing...missing my home while being right here...i should be committed i know. maybe not, if things in the pipeline materialize.

mixed feelings. been a long time since we wandered away.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


just realized my last post was one of my longest, if not the longest. Am surprised I could sustain my interest in any topic for that long. Hmm, go figure.

I want the Unseen to give everyone I know a break - my man, family, friends, neighbors, domestic help, acquaintances, people I just smile or wave at, people my girl smiles or waves at, the dogs and the cat (that loots our milk...sometimes) in our neighborhood...a tiny, golden, happy break...not much to ask for, i think.

I hate feeling somebody's blues...cos I can't do anything abt it...i do realize that it is impossible for anyone to have everything they want from life at any given moment, that wd mean death of all evolution, but still....
a break would be good. And then they're on their own again, I promise. Are you listening, Unseen? Sometimes all you need is just one teeny chance to come good...if you don't...well, you don't.

I myself am at a pretty okay place in life, still restless, still lots to do, but the blues are just restricted to random days and moments...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

the reason i write this...

years ago, read/heard (forget which) a quote by warren beatty, i think, he must have been quoting someone else,maybe:

"they all have their reasons."

pretty innocuous and not very brilliant wordplay. but it stayed with me.

a compassionate, non-judgemental, deadpan take on the several quirks and foibles that define our human race.

We all have our reasons for everything.

the salmon for swimming against the tide to spawn, die in the process and if they're lucky to survive, become lunch for the waiting grizzly bears;

paris hilton for staying in the news thru totally uncerebral, even unaesthetic means;

sanjay leela for dragging his ma to all the functions, his smirk and unceasing chewing of the gum (or cud?);
karan johar for his smirk too, his yuppie family flicks and his muse (?);

people on flickr who post provocative pictures, have like a zillion contacts and still like to call themselves introverts;

people who churn out asinine serials that i never watch, but hey, some do, i think

the striking students who've faced hunger, the sun, a battery of lathis and water canons;

arjun singh, though i really can't even pretend to understand it;

the terrorist groups who butcher mindlessly;

the young LTTE female soldier whose sole aim is to become a suicide bomber and attain glory;

the women who go under the knife or such to turn back Time, when they're all destined to dust;

people who think motherhood is a drag, and not so-kewl;

finally, i must have reasons for

not pursuing anything single-mindedly, not following through on the various passions i have taken up at different stages of my life, though I am yet to find out what the reason is;

not giving off yes-i'm-really-interested vibes and yet having people confide in me, total strangers too;

not giving off yes-i'm-so-serious vibes to teachers/lecturers in my past, and yet having some of them see through to some spark inside and actually liking me;

not disliking anyone enough to not forgive them. forgetting, well, now thats a different ballgame.

Yes, we all have our reasons. Am glad I got mine for scribbling this post.

Friday, May 12, 2006

he lives. truly

an amazing story of the bike man. and how his precious companion was stolen in london...they were eventually reunited.

people like him are actually living, squeezing Life to the last drop. when they get the cue to exit, they will have lived their dreams out dry.

That is not to say that I have not lived, but there is so much I still want to live through...some roles come with added responsibility, where your me-trip has to take a backseat for some time. which is done purely out of choice and love - thats the meat of another blogpost-to-be.

the important thing is to have some wild oats to sow...which can be grown again, at leisure. :-)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

the tide...

what i miss most in my city is the ocean, the beach. have always been a beach-bum in of my lil utopian dreams is to have a shack selling knick-knacks on a beach somewhere. no pressures, no anxieties, just chillin. surviving on the day's haul, as it were. a hammock, a drink in hand, the sun sliding down the hemisphere, a storm. i know this dream visual will be flawed in reality, when business is bleak, the locals get antsy abt the new biz, and the rent isn't paid for weeks. but whats the harm in dreaming. maybe in my 50s, since I don't see myself getting the time to breathe till then.

was in a conversation with my better 1/2 last night, one of those times we connect like we did when we were younger, sigh! how everything is just an illusion, maya, quoting kabir, death the only reality - the great leveller. this instant, we're here, the other, gone, poof! puppets in a play, the scriptwriter Unseen...he said rather dismissively, that we don't come back, i that we, the soul bits, are regurgitated thru the ages...the zen stories came climbing out, time passed and we fell asleep.

another hot day and its mundane details. the world can wait, she needs a hug.

Monday, May 08, 2006


meeting a stranger. sharing a smile, or some words. or silence, even better.

no baggage, no reference points, no familiarity whatsoever.

no connections anywhere on political leanings or fave band or book read last.

no race, no gender, no religion, no social baggage.

no roles to be played, no masks to be donned, no preconceived notions.
nothing to impress or scorn.

just an impersonal reaching out in vacuum.

no addresses swapped, no traces. no expectations.

a complete lightness of being, for some moments.

travellers resting under a tree. ships passing by in the night.

Saturday, May 06, 2006


have often tried to rub the sadness away.
a smudge remains.

it stays within, never lets go.
through the laughs, the conversations,
the good cheer, the shopping trips.

a moment alone, and I have company again.

happiness, jealous, tries to win the round.
succeeds, and slips.

it needs a new name, naah, not sadness. oh so ordinary.

a richness, deep and auburn.
like raindrops on the dusty earth. like a shadow on a wall.
the Self exults at this knowledge. till death do us part.

leagues below, at the core.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


nat geo airs a special on how an english tourist went missing down under, concluding with enough evidence that deadly dingos got him. one man missing, and dead.

here people dying like flies every day. a bus falls into a ravine. terrorists massacre innocents in the name of religion. riots elsewhere claim more lives. if that were not enough to satiate the grim reaper, murders of other flavors abound.
the daily full of missing children and adults, rapes, accidents, murders, burglaries, assaults - not leaving out the gory details, ever.
a niece colludes with her boyfriend and robs her uncle of a hefty amount.
an elder brother shot by the younger, hanging by a ventilator.

a man beheaded in an alien land. a second wife surfaces, for the moolah. the first gulps the toilet cleaner and waiting to die. did she even think about the three lives that would have only her for a parent?

crimes of passion.
the seven sins on a roll.

4 (5?) year old budhiya runs his way into the limca book of records and gets violently sick after. his skinny lil body pushed beyond endurance. the vultures, sorry, cameras zoom into the puke and the disorientation. TRPs.
what kind of a sick mind would push, brainwash this tiny thing to burn records at the cost of his fragile growing body?

beauty and success are inversely proportional to popularity and likeability, that is, if you are a woman, in these neck of the woods. a man changes mates and is considered eligible and hot. a woman does the same, and shes a climber, a schemer.

funny. humans.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

zen and a smouldering man

one of my ever-favorite zen stories is the one about the two monks and the young woman. >>

Two traveling monks reached a river where they met a young woman. Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across. One of the monks hesitated, but the other quickly picked her up onto his shoulders, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other bank. She thanked him and departed.
As the monks continued on their way, the one was brooding and preoccupied. Unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. "Brother, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women, but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!"
"Brother," the second monk replied, "I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her."
(some versions of this story describe the monk as carrying the woman across a mud puddle )

<< never loses its punch.


totally dig 'bheegi bheegi' from gangster...edgy, soul-angst song...and it helps that shiney ahuja's smouldering...this guy has that something...definitely sexy. hes done rather different offbeat roles before. if he plays his cards well, he could be a guy to watch out for. will be a change from the hackneyed shah rukh and salman and other khans...

the new pepsi ad is SO lame. its not even infantile in humor. shah rukh khan's aging. I used to like him a lot in his initial days...but now its like a crush-gone-horribly-wrong.

rani mukherji's hairdo doesnt do anything for her in the new 'fanta' ad...her shoulders look so brawny and she looks quite like a spud.

the new coke ad with aamir is pretty funny...a class act...wish he would push the envelope a bit more and take on some really challenging on-the-edge stuff.

yes, I am done.